Tag Archive: Love


As my husband of 62 years old passed away on that day, Wednesday, April 25, 2012, the anguish and the pain within me welled like a dam ready to burst, my future seems bleak and dark. The first thing come in my mind was how can I live without you, Baby?

I never imagine that my dear Hubby will leave me this soon. Our wedding day was seem like yesterday. When we both said our vow, that we will love each other, saying I love you everyday, and we will be together till death do us part. But I didn’t realize that this “till death do us part” come this soon. I wasn’t prepared for this separation. I believe nobody will prepare for this apart. We were only briefly married, 1 year 7 months with him being away for work as a consultant in Doha with 28 – 14 rotation made us not having phisically time together. I feel my pain and anger at the unfairness boiled inside me. How can it be like this? This is totally unfair…

My dear Hubby’s death leaves an emptiness that is hard to fill within me. There’s no one in the house with whom to share the events of the day, discuss the fabrics colour for my quilts, the bills that we have to pay, talked about the movies, and achievements of his grandchildren and our niece, Alika.

It is not just that I will miss my husband’s company, his sense of humour, his cooking, his steaks, and his astute and acerbic commentary at movies. There are also practical issues that serve as daily reminders of his absence. Who will make me scramble eggs for breakfast the way I want it, arrange the ticket for our travel, grill the steaks for me, comfort me when I’m sad and feel down? What about our dream house? That we planned to build in our land, the house with all the deatils that we discussed together? With a big space for barbeque for him?

Billy died on April 25, 28 days before his birthday, 19 days before our trip to Oklahoma, USA for our summer holiday and to attend his 45th High School Reunion in Duncan, Oklahoma. As always he already arranged the ticket to go to Oklahoma, but this time he hasn’t paid it. He siad he will pay the ticket on Friday this week as he wanted to go to Qatar Airways office to upgrade my ticket.

I do realize that my life is very rich. I have many interests, a wonderful, caring family and a large network of dear friends to whom I can turn for emotional support, advice and companionship. My sister, my brother and my sister in law love me with all their heart. They support me 100%, but it’s just different without a spouse/husband on my side. I can tell and share anuthing with him, my doubt, my plan, my dream, my fear, and my happiness.

I lost my father, whom I adored and who remained an extraordinarily important person in my life until he passed away in March 31, 2006 when I was a 35 year-old and I was still single. Though sad about all he would miss β€” especially the grandchildren he doted on β€” I managed my sadness about my lost of him. I cried for years after my father passed away, as I was his baby girl. And I wasn’t on his side when he’s gone. I was in Florida that time visiting my friend and I couldn’t get flight on time as there was sortm and snow in Denver.

I have no children with Billy, but his 2 daughters from his previous marriage, Jesicca and Misty are very nice to me. My relationship with them is very good and close. Especially since my Hubby passed away. I chat via skype often and also emails almost everyday. We support each other, we cried together and shared story about how we overcome the sadness, hiw we face our day without him anymore. We still cried sometimes whenever we chat on skype if we talked about him.

My dear Hubby was a wonderful husband, he was a great man and a lovely father and caring Papa to his grandchildren. He had a big heart. An old friend of him long time ago in Balikpapan, Indonesia gave him a nickname Two Bears. Because his body was big. But not only his body that big, his heart also big. He loved to help people. His family was his precious thing. He always communicate his his girls almost everyday via email or phone call. Even if he and his daugther world apart but their relation was really close.

For his friend close friends he was Two Bears. For his daughter he was Great Dad. For his grandchildren he was Papa Bear. For me he was my Baby, my love, my everything. Rest in peace my love. Rest in peace my Two Bears. You will be missed dealry. I love and miss you, Baby! See you in my dream again tonight…

Replaying Good Moments

From The Secret Daily Teachings

Another easy way to use the law of attraction for your benefit is this:
Every night before you fall asleep, replay in your mind the good moments of the day, and give heartfelt thanks for each one of them. Think about the next day also, and intend that it is going to be amazing, that it is going to be filled with love and joy, and that all good is coming to you. Intend that it is going to be the best day of your life. Then when you wake in the morning, BEFORE you get out of bed, declare your intentions again for the day and give deep thanks as though you have received them all.

May the joy be with you,

Rhonda Byrne
The Secret… bringing joy to billions

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I feel happy now after chat with my lovely niece Alika in Perth. I miss her so much and it gave me nice feeling after chat with her. And I am also happy to know that Facetime worked today. Tried to chat a few days ago with my Brother as I wanted to see Alika but that time it didn’t work.

I was worried yesterday to hear from my brother that Alika was not well, coughing and had to sleep with her parent. But today she looked cute as always and said that she feels better now πŸ™‚ Cute Alika, I love her so much. My late husband also loved Alika, he always wanted to give everything for Alika. Alika knows that you loved her, Baby. She keeps the memory ofmyou in her heart. Looking forward tochat again with Alika on Tuesday, hope I can make it before I go to the orphanage. Sleep well Alika, bude love you so much!!! Hugs and kisses

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Missing you

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There is not a moment, a time or a day passed without thinking of you, my love. You are always in my mind. You made my life with you was the best and beautiful moment in my life. I will treasure and remember those moments forever in my heart. Our time together was so precious. We laughed together, did everything together whenever you’re home, you cooked for me, I cooked for you, watched TV together, and did grocery shopped together. These memory keep on playing in my mind, like movies. Whenever I am alone, this movie of our past will play automatically.

Only you and God can understand what I feel for you, Love. I don’t care if people say that I am whining all the time about you, about the memory of you… They don’t know what I have been through since you left me. I have to fight the loneliness, the tears the empty feeling in my heart without you. Alone! They know nothing…

How I miss your email every morning and afternoon. How I miss your sms everyday. How I miss your voice…

Only you who understood me, my love. Only you who cared about me. You always wanted the best for me . You always wanted to make me happy, to see me laughing and have smile on my face. You made me Queen. I was the Head Cheese of Domestic Affairs. I do miss those moment. I cherish the momet we’re together. Nobody cares about me anymore, Love… Don’t you feel how lonely I am?

I still have difficulties to sleep at night sometimes whenever the memory of that night come in my mind. That dreadful night that I cannot forget 😦 I wish I did faster so I could help you that nigh. Maybe you will still be hee with me 😦 So I won’t cry everyday like this…

How can I forget you, my love? How can I can be strong without you beside me? Rest in Peace my dear Hubby. You’re the King of my heart. I love and miss you, Baby. I see you in my dream tonight. XOXOXO